Hope I Die Before I Get Old...

... and even That Guy hasn't!

Getting old is a crazy, weird thing. I'm halfway through my life. I regret not doing all sorts of things with my body when I could...More exercise, more running, hiking, swimming, without feeling knees creak and be out of breath. I regret looking so different now, but feeling like the same person I was in my 20's. Know you understand body dysphoria- the outside doesn't match the inside.

Being unmarried and single doesn't help.  When I drive down the street, my head will jerk around for a cute guy walking down the street... then I realize I'm old enough to be his Mom.  There's a crazy new mix of chemicals that happens at this age.  You don't need sex constantly, but you're old enough to own up to your lechery. I hate the term "cougar," and I seriously couldn't fathom dating anyone under 30 (Demi and Ashton?) but I so totally lust for the body, energy and youth that comes with a young guy. And I miss my nubile body. Let's not go there. I've entered that new demographic- the invisible, at least to guys younger than me. (And shit, most guys my age! I live in fucking Hollywood... there's always something better, hotter and younger around the corner.)
And I remind myself that I should set my sights differently... I'm also looking at men in their 50's.  The Viagra Guy with the cool car is looking good. Get used to it. That's who you should be dating, I tell myself!

I own up to my lechery... and I have to own up to being old.
Cougar Alert: I have no idea where I got this pic...hell, I stole it. Off the internet. Just like you do.  We're fast becoming an Idiocracy of pictures, no words. I used to love 2-dimensional images and had serious scopafilia. I wanted to be a photographer.  Now we are a nation of Tumblrs and tiny pics on a mobile device- not text. I can't even write anymore like I used to!! My brain is going to atrophy... but all my visual stimulation needs are met! Hurray!
Amid his junked up tattoos I see "1987..." aw sheesh. I sure hope that wasn't the year he was born!!!!

I own up to my lechery:

Reading: "The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks," by Max Brooks; just finished "Mockingjay" by Suzanne Collins

If I put "binder" in the title, how many will find my blog?

     It's October 19, post 2nd Presidential debate... I won't actually talk about that. Hahaha!
I'm desperately wanting a place to rant and write like I used to on Myspace all those years ago. And I don't want a new Word Press. And I don't want a new Tumblr. And I like being the Filthy Book Reader.
     Facebook threw up this book for me to notice on their Ad Ravaged Right Side Bar (Facebook with advertising... who was naive to think he could create it withoug monetizing?!! Oh yea..)... The Skin You Live In.  This book will help you "... become more comfortable when reaching across racial and cultural lines." Wow. Just wow. But at least someone's writing about it if someone needs help with this dilemma. Hard to believe... but many need help relating to someone of a different color or culture.
    Speaking of books, this is the part where I do not talk about "50 Shades of Grey".... at least not yet.  I gotta wait till my Mom finishes and sends me the copy she borrowed from my Aunt.  Um. I turned 50 shades of green when my Mom told me she was reading it and immediately started shitting on the book. Then I realized, how can I censor my Mom when she never censored me.  Hell, when I was 16 she had no idea I was reading "The Story of O" and "9 1/2 Weeks" along with my best friend.  So I have ordered Jay Wiseman's "SM 101" and "Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns" for a nice tutorial when I visit my family... not that it matters.  But it's kind of neat that I will get to share with them the self-taught sexology I've acquired for years and can explain how bad "50 Shades" is.

Cougar Alert: the "Almost Famous" kid got tall... and good looking as hell. He's in that zoo movie with Matt Daman and I didn't recognize him.
Ladies and Gentleman, Patrick Fugit looks better than Russell and Jeff Bebe combined:

Egg and a Sperm walk into a bar....

Getting on the internet just reminds me of shit I can't control. Seriously, unless you are a Senator, Representative, Lobbyist, judge on a circuit court or Supreme Court (and that is not order of importance or power... the Lobbyist probably has the most power), you aren't passing any laws or policy. We all run our mouths but what do we affect? I know, I know... dismal and pessimistic. I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing till they gotta hold of me!

Birth Control, Sex and Abortions.... oh my. I found a listing by a friend on Facebook for a film called "October Baby" about an abortion survivor. (My friends are many-variegated and of many types and belief systems.) Something like this just opens a whole can of worms for me: did God make that baby survive the abortion? Did God make that sperm and egg get together to make a baby? Is Kirk Cameron in this movie? When does the spark of life happen that makes that group of cells have a consciousness, a SOUL, and be "Human"... because we used to hear about this more in the early '90s. I swear. I didn't imagine it. If a pregnant woman miscarries, did God cause that? Why didn't God make her not miscarry if God hates abortion? Why do only women get pregnant? Am I supposed to be limited by my biology? What if I don't want to be pregnant at this time? If I had never been born, what would I even know about what I'm missing?

They (the anti-abortion people) always use the "Beethoven Argument" for abortion... you would have killed Beethoven or [insert some other brilliant person here] if you had an abortion. I'm not even qualified to deal with this argument. I had promised myself logic and reasoning lessons, but it hasn't happened with my copious spare time. No worries. There are plenty of people who deal with fallacious and bad arguments. Richard Dawkins has scratched the surface for me, and I credit atheists for helping me think more critically... and I still believe in some sort of Creative Force, God, if you will, in the universe. Go figure. It IS possible to think for yourself and be open to other peoples' ideas and beliefs!

Like I always say, when shit goes down, when the zombie outbreak happens, or WWIII, I'm throwing my lot in with the athiests. We'll Macgyver some shit and stay alive, not sit around and pray for help to come. The masses like messiahs and cults of personality, especially religious ones.... keep me far away, thanks.

I read a a little on the web about "October Baby" and the film is supposed to "show what happens in an abortion clinic." Oh, really? Show me. And show me all the forms of abortion. Because I bet you won't. http://www.usanewsfirst.com/2011/11/03/movie-october-baby-presents-truth-about-abortion/


Rick Santorum (...mmmm... santorum...Bless you, Dan Savage) says that even though rape is horrible, a child concieved during rape is still a gift from God. So if God made that egg and sperm meet up during such a horrible event, why couldn't God prevent the rape?
I'm glad Rick has found a woman willing to stay in an almost perpetual state of pregnancy. I'm glad her uterus, her life and her time are ready willing and able to make lots of babies. More power to them. If I had the willing partner, money and time (which is essentially money, too), I'd have a few babies. But this just further proves my therory that there is no Great Sisterhood of Women. I don't have solidarity with Rick's wife just because both of us were born with a uterus. But again- more power to them. They are free to do what they want. Funny, but I can't imagine Rick saying the same for me.

The uproar about Susan Fluke, Rush Limbaugh and birth control are pretty damn funny. Well, they are! A friend (another in my many variegated world) posted this Mother Jones Birth Control Calculator : http://motherjones.com/politics/2012/02/calculator-birth-control-expensive-really-cost
And of course, Are you a Slut? : http://motherjones.com/mojo/2012/03/flow-chart-are-you-slut
Slut, like the word Nigger, has of course, been taken back but a lot of people didn't get that memo:
The classic book, The Ethical Slut : http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/B001TK45QU/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1331068176&sr=1-2

The birth control calculator doesn't provide for me. I mean, it doesn't list my methods: a year of celibacy, then non-hormonal methods - condoms and spermicide. So I get by cheap. Man, I am FRUGAL. I haven't been on the pill in over 20 years, and I'll stick a foreign object in my uterus "to irritate the uterus lining and prevent egg implantation" (an IUD, kids... look it up) when men have the equivalent. Which means I won't be getting an IUD anytime in this lifetime or even the next. The year of celibacy is strictly accidental. Maybe I shouldn't list that. You know what I found out? You can return unopened condoms at Rite-Aid!!! My last partner used Magnum XL and those bitches are $15 a box. I was very egalitarian. He bought the first box, so I bought a box for my place. Never got to the second box (or my place for that matter)... attempting to keep XL condoms around is just a cosmic joke... and I needed the $15 for lunch money.

Are Viagra and Cialis covered by most insurances? Please don't tell me they are. I don't even want to research and find out... I just don't want to know. Remember.... things I can't control... breathe.... breathe......

Digging away, the moments that make up a dull day...

You know who's cute?
Young David Gilmour AND Old David Gilmour. Cute.

He looks like he could be strolling through Silverlake and Los Feliz right now... cuz EVERY STRAIGHT GUY IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD LOOKS LIKE JOHN TAYLOR CIRCA 1974. Seriously. It's getting old.
But young David Gilmour is cute. Just want to put that out there while I'm enjoying my sunny Cali Saturday afternoon.


I'm here on a Saturday, working on a giant corset order, watching "Which One's Pink?" on VH1, wondering if I could actually find the time to start blogging again.
I feel like I need a Tumblr for this because I love photos. But then, I always have something sexual, political, topical or rock 'n ' rollah to write about. And I also want to write things for viewers of "Is This Normal?", our internet talkshow produced by The Center for Positive Sexuality, http://positivesexuality.org/
I don't want to write notes on Facebook, because my page is more for family and work people, but I sure do wish Blogger posted a thumbnail image when you post a link, like Facebook. I really, really like that.
So we'll see if I can get to this and get back to some kind of writing... it used to be fun, even if it was pretty lightweight and of no substance... substance to me!


I found a bookstore.
Let me repeat: I found a bookstore. That's important in this day and age when the book store is an endangered species. It's Alias Books in Atwater... I was strolling, going to Starbucks, procrastinating on getting back to work. I was floored and almost thought I was going to start crying. It's a used book store, heavy on art, sex and politics. Heaven, right?
www.aliasbookseast.com   I walked right up to a Shere Hite book and that was it....
Women as Revolutionary Agents of Change: The Hite Reports and Beyond... let me see if I actually get some reading done and be able to blog about it. I'm only posting the Amazon listing in case you're interested, but by all means, get thee to a real bookstore. Since it was used, I bought the last one at Alias Books East.  I almost bought a book called "Female Masculinity" right next to it, but I gotta save sumthin' fer later. I will be back.

I can say that there is never a dull day in my life. There are lonely days, stressed days, uneasy days, but never bored and dull. I can think of something good and constructive to do every minute of every day and the only thing keeping me from most of this is work, work, work, to pay bills, bills, bills... it's still my goal to gain my freedom from the indentured servitude to debt. I'm thinking my goal should be to have a life like a 17 year old boy in 1967 with a copy of Kerouac's "On The Road".... why not? I'm not buying a house and I will not- I repeat- not be getting a cat or any other pet.

We've created a Facebook page for "Is This Normal?" in order to promo more and get viewers.
I'm having a hard time finding the correct URL to paste here, but it's possible that a search of "  IsthisNormal PositiveSex " may get you to it.

In closing, I'd like to point out that in view of Rush Limbaugh's recent comments about wanting all women who get free birth control to submit videos of themselves having sex (because "they are getting paid to have sex"), Rush likes to watch. Rush is a freak. That doesn't come out of your mouth so easily unless you are... regardless of how inflammatory you think you are. That sort of thing is on your mind and part of your lifestyle.
I can think of a few choice things I'd like to do to Rush that involve him being tied up, restrained, and the letters C, B and T and we film it... but the problem is, he would probably love it and that's not fun.